Dear God,
The problem with leaving an open wound is that it will fester. And that is why you should nip iniquity in the bud.
Geraldine is the third of the five sisters. She is a bit of a left-winger, radical in her views and stubborn to boot. So she didn’t quite belong much in a household that was so right-winged, and heavily traditional. Her elder sisters were given out in marriage much like most of the girls in the traditional layout, just as long as the man was supposedly good. So they said. Well, who checked and what are the metrics of being “good”?
To conduct a marriage, mostly in the Eastern part of Nigeria, “good” may mean a reputable family and financial strength. In these modern times, both the church and the state require you to produce HIV, Genotype and Pregnancy tests (specifically for churches), but the one critical test that is neglected is the mental health check. Who cares whether the man or woman is sane or not……It’s straight to “I do”. Why won’t you do….Society in itself will label you … if you don’t!
Society places more value on those who do… than those who don’t….and woe betide you if you do…and then refuse to do again…..
You know what I mean, my Lord, Yes?
Sure…Still, No judgement!
Geraldine, growing up, had lived with her sister. And she said that she had so much of a tough time in that house. The man was treated as a little god, and it was the god her elder sister created. A prototype of the god their mother created in their house. The perfect wife syndrome. See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil……..
Yes, I know the drill, Lord. My mum insisted I hear no evil….but “I see and speak”…was my choice to make.
Geraldine talked about a particular night when someone had entered her room in the dead of the night. She was alone in her room, and the person had a touch that he focused right on her eyes. So even when she woke, she couldn’t see the person because the brightness of the light was devastating for her. Whoever it was did not say anything but kept touching her lap.
She was paralysed with fear and at first, couldn’t even scream. But for some reason, she found her voice and screamed at the top of her voice and the figure disappeared just as suddenly as it appeared.
“Within a few minutes, my sister and then her husband rushed to her room attracted by the scream”, she said reflectively.
For hours, they drilled her on the incident and she tried to explain what had happened to her. But, from the depth of her heart, she felt she knew who visited her.
The circumstances, the fear and the disbelief could not let her process it clearly but she knew, she did.
Days later, she mustarded up enough courage to approach her sister to tell her what she felt – error!
Her sister immediately demonised her. She didn’t believe her, and neither did her mum. Her mum practically warned her to leave that house not because she feared for her safety but so that she did not destroy her sister’s home.
No one believed her.
The man was revered, rich, and could buy his reputation at the wave of a finger.
What chance did a stubborn label of a 13-year-old have over that depth?
Geraldine talked about so many instances when the man tried to corner her in secret and how she had stubbornly fought her way out of his advances. The more she flagged these advances, the more she was labeled by her own family.
Looking back now, she understood. Especially her mum’s position in the wake of things.
She had five daughters. A serious label in the Eastern world. A woman with 5 girls only was as good as a barren woman.
No boy, no crown.
So this particular financially strong inlaw who liberally helps to raise and educate the girls could do no wrong. So she struggled in that household because everybody thought she was just being “stupid”.
Now, to avoid some of these advances at home, she learned to stay out more in school or with her friends, and that added to her unruly label. Her mum and sister could not fathom why she wanted to destroy her life outside, not knowing that she was in a silent fight to preserve her life from the destruction inside.
She talked about the man’s many vices, but the worst of these was his inability to control his urges.
So, Geraldine points to the fact that some of the instances and circumstances surrounding the issues trigger those assumptions that the man was responsible. She called it patterns of his hunting.
Does your sister believe now? I asked, perplexed.
Everything is based on assumptions. For now, she sighed, and that is so heartbreaking because the girl is deaf and dumb. Sometimes, she can communicate with sign language, but she just stares out all the questioning. We are not sure what the man has done to her or said to her that scares the life out of her, but she won’t yield to any information.
So, what are the next steps? I asked
First of all, to save her life, the family is “begging” the man to have her taken out of the country for treatment which he can easily afford but he is insisting she be treated her in Nigeria. I have a feeling he is scared of what will be discovered. So, for now, it’s a family matter. She will undergo an operation, which, if care is not taken, may mean that they remove her womb. And we take it from there.
“They are begging him?” I asked blankly
“Hmmm, my dear, money answereth all things…that is my only answer”, she smiled sadly
Can’t you just lock him up? I asked bluntly
“How? Against what evidence? Suspicions? Do you recall that this man has other wives that will stand against my sister on this. Going after the man is heavy-lifting for now. Getting my sister the freedom she needs and the girl, the medical care she needs is the priority. One step at a time”, she said, her eyes flaring.
I looked at Geraldine’s face and knew that this one won’t let go easy, but she was bidding her time. She will strike, hard, and bad when the time comes.
My Lord, here again, I plead, for what it is worth, please make a way for them. It is very difficult to get angry when you don’t have much money. Yes, I said it, Lord, and you know what I mean. They get away with it anyways. But you oh Lord, are a shield for everyone, the Glory and the Lifter of heads.
This is your daughter, and still, without judgment, I am checking in.