What is the color of your grass.

Dear God,

So I met up with a friend at a restaurant in Ikoyi and while we were sipping coffee, two of our other friends joined us. I was shocked to find out that one of them whom I loved and admired so much was going through a divorce. She and her Adam made such a great couple. Rich, very high profile and beautiful together. I was at their wedding and God, how I envied Sarah (in a good way), the beauty that surrounded her.

Sarah: [sighs deeply] Well, ladies, I finally did it. I signed the papers yesterday.

Me: (my eyes popped) You finally got the contract?

(They burst out laughing; well, to the best of my knowledge, Sarah has been chasing a major contract with the govt)

Lola: Omo Igbo….Everything is about money to you. Divorce Papers…jor!

Me: Divorce? I don’t understand…..You are divorcing Bonds?

Lola: No, she is divorcing Mutual Funds! (Rolling her eyes)

(For some reason, I felt Lola was pacing in my space but I couldn’t tell why she was trying to call my hand. I ignored her)

Emily: [placing a comforting hand on Sarah’s shoulder] Oh, Sarah, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

Sarah: [forcing a smile] I think so, Emy. It’s just… I don’t know what comes next. The unknown is terrifying. I have been with Bonds for decades….and now….she sighs.

Lola: [leaning forward] Well, honey, the way out is through the door, just slam it. You’ll find your rhythm again, I promise.

Sarah: [nodding] Thanks, Lola. I hope so.

(I stared. What is going on? Sarah and Bonds were a beautiful couple. What happened?)

Emily: [frowning] But Sarah, are you sure this is the right decision? I mean, divorce is such a final step. You guys were a joy to see. Marriage is supposed to be for better or for worse, right? Maybe you just needed to work through the rough patches.

Sarah: [staring into space] Trust me, Emy, it wasn’t an easy decision. But sometimes you have to cut ties to save yourself.

Lola: [nodding in agreement] Amen to that! You gotta put on your big girl panties and do what’s best for you.

Me: Big girl panties, huh? Does Lola know something we don’t know?

Sarah: [smiles] Oh, guys, if only it were that simple. Sometimes the rough patches turn into sinkholes, and you realize you’re better off on solid ground. Either the divorce or I lose my sanity and do something stupid.

Lola: Exactly, sister! Sometimes you gotta let go of what’s dragging you down so you can soar. Swim or Sink!

(Emy and I stared at Lola. She seems to be more into the divorce than the divorced)

Emily: [smiling at Sarah and trying hard not to murder Lola] I just hate to see you go through this, Sarah. But if you’re sure it’s what you want, then I’ll support you all the way.

Sarah: [gratefully] That means the world to me, Emy. It’s hard, especially in Nigeria where everybody just assumes the woman is the villain in a divorce. The woman is condemned and outcasted.

Lola: [raising her cup] To new beginnings and fresh starts! Beloved Sarah

(I refused to raise a glass, I had no clue what was going on…so what am I drinking to?)

Me: Not sure I want to drink to confusion, I do not understand.…….

Lola: What don’t you understand? Is Bonds your brother? Do you want to weep more than the bereaved?

Me: (Finally had enough of the crack head… she can get on nerves at times) Hey Lola, take a break……you don’t talk to me like that….Are you drunk on something…….

Sarah: [raising her hand] Hey, hey guys! Please. Ifee, you know how Lola is, let her be. It was a very tough divorce and Lola represented me. She knows the details and that is why she is feeling a bit too triumphant. Really guys, Lola saved my life……Bonds were taking me to the cleaners. I would have been out in the streets with only my pants if not for Lola. Please guys, just be happy for me…..

(I kept very quiet and stared at Lola with sparks of fire still in my eyes and from nowhere, the knucklehead winked at me and burst into her infectious laughter. How is it that I have not killed Lola all these years?).

Lola: Ifee baby, don’t worry, I was trying to draw you out. I know how you feel about divorce so I wanted to poke around.

(I still eyed her but without the fire, my mouth twitching into a smile)

Lola: Okay guys, I owe you some explanations. And since Sarah has given a go-ahead, I will let you in. Bonds was having an affair with a transgendered man. He was the one who sponsored the trans-project and funded it with Sarah’s money. The (he/she) is a hopeless addict and they were running Sarah’s wealth to the walls trying to feed his/her habits. Based on the trust funds, Bonds has been signing off assets to his new relationship and when he travels out, he stays with the (he/she) who is also divorced with two children…..complicated, yes?

(Emy and I stared with mouths open. Sarah just smiled)

Lola: They planned to strip Sarah of all rights to the companies and collect full ownership. He did it so discretely that Sarah didn’t know. If they had continued their clandestine affair and looting, maybe Sarah may never know but I guess they got desperate.  They wanted her out quicker. She found out that her night coffees were laced with drugs. They were trying to get her addicted and malleable to their whines. Luckily for Sarah, she called me one day when she was so sick and I came in. One look at her, I knew. So we took her to hospital. Even then, Sarah refused to believe that Bonds could do that to her. She said she must have taken an overdose of something. Anyway, I insisted she investigate, and we hired a private eye. For the rest of the story, you have to pay me to hear it.

(Trust Lola to create drama. But wait oo. Bonds? J-Bonds? The most handsome alpha male in the whole universe? How? We nicknamed him Bonds as in 007. He is a beautiful guy. Not just handsome, but with loads of swags)

(Emy and I were speechless. What da…?)

Emy: How did you know? What made you suspect foul play? (She whispered to Lola)

Lola: Let’s just say I was spooling from my bad experiences with men. And I have developed an antenna for people who are trusted blindly……..

Lola: So Ladies, our Sarah has taken her life by the horns and riding it like a bucking bronco!

(Emy laughed. I still stared at Sarah. You mean this girl has been going through shits and all messes falling from the roof and here I was envying her rich splendour of life. Father Lord!)

Sarah: [grinning] Thanks Lola for adding humour in the darkest of my times.

Lola: [clinking her cup against Sarah’s] Damn right babe! Now let’s toast to our fearless friend who’s brave enough to take her life back and chase her happiness, no matter where it leads.

[We all clinked our cups together]

Sarah: [smiling] Thanks, guys. I don’t know what I’d do without you.

Emmy: [laughing] You are doing well Sarah, you held on so well. And I know it would not have been easy to go through what you went through.

Lola: She will be fine. I was ready to drag her by the hair to sign those papers. Even till the last minute, she was still looking out for the knucklehead. And now, see how well situated and comfortable she is….

Sarah: [chuckling] Oh, believe me, there’s nothing comfortable about divorcing your husband and starting over.

Lola: But you’re doing it, Sarah. And that’s what matters. You’re taking control of your life and steering it in the direction you want it to go.

Sarah: [smiling gratefully] Thanks, Lola. I couldn’t do it without you by my side.

Emily: [raising her cup again] To friendship, through thick and thin!

Sarah & I: [raising our cups] To friendship!

Lola: [raising her cup] to friendship and to kicking ass, if there is an ass to kick.

(Dear Lord, please forgive Lola, she was born crazy but with a solid heart.)

 

I went home that day humbled.

To think I envied Sarah all those years. Now look.

I thought about my Adam and smiled. That is the true Alpha male. Steady, ready and stable.

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of a good man. My Adam is a good man and I dare not take it for granted.

And I say a little prayer for dear Sarah, that she will find true love again for she is a noble lady.

This is your daughter, I will forever remain grateful and humble, and I am checking in.