Dear God
The story……
So, Sonia is the 1st out of 4 children. They were a relatively normal family until she lost her mum when she was barely 14 and their father married another woman who in a desperate need to claim some non-existent inheritance produced 6 of her own. Now Dad, I don’t know if you were the one that designed it that way but 1st daughters in Africa carry a burden and responsibility that is sometimes too unfair.
And unfortunately for Sonia, stepmama produced 4 boys before she added the girls, so she had the sole responsibility of “Adaship” (1st daughter responsibility) for a long time, while the stepmama lived up to the fairy tale versions of their mold……”wicked”. To survive, Sonia started industry activities early. She sold stuff in the market, hawked and did all kinds of odd jobs. She carried blocks for builders, mixed cement and slept in odd places. Now mixed up in that life, she picked up one or two immoral vibes.
Stupid, right? Yes, she was young, and she was Stupid!
I met Sonia in the university of Benin, but we were not friends then. Her cliché was way above my pay grade. I was a member of Christ Embassy fellowship then. Later Sonia got born again and joined our fellowship and choir and we became friends. Suffice it to say then that by the time we became friends, old things had passed away.
Now what are Sonia’s sins?
Yes, Lord, because the truth is that for a woman, the worst past you can carry is that you got pregnant out of wedlock. And you had an abortion. And you have immoral tendencies. And?
I am sorry Lord, I am not saying that those things are okay, I am just saying that a woman is always judged and condemned for these things knowing fully well that she didn’t commit the act alone. A man is never condemned for sowing his wild oats, but the recipient of those oats will never be free from judgements. So yes, Sonia had an abortion. In fact, twice. So go ahead, throw your stone!
You done? Okay, let me continue.
Sonia told me the story one night when we were coming back from vigil. Dad, the prayer team that night brought down your presence and we could feel it. A lot of students wept bitterly that night and Sonia was amongst. So, when we were going home, she started this song……
“Look at me, I have been set free. All my sins are washed away, my life turns today just because Christ has set me free”
And she told me her story in tears but with new hope in her heart. The story is a book, Lord, but as brief as I can, I will say that to raise nine siblings, Sonia needed help. And the immediate and easy help she could get was a man. And a man who also promised marriage. Sonia hung onto him because through him, she could at least help her siblings, (Yes, the man had means) yet when the results of their midnight dance appeared, he would ask her to abort it. She did the first time, believing him that they were not ready, and they could wait some more.
Stupid, yes? Well …. remember, we all do stupid.
Second time, the man also insisted she abort. Sonia didn’t want to, and he threatened her and again stupidly she succumbed. I guess by this time, she either hung on the need for him or her fear of losing him. Whatever it was, she stayed with him. Accepting every manner of humiliations and abuse from someone who has not married her yet.
Stupid, yes? We all do stupid.
Sometimes, we get so hung on people who abuse us the most. By the third pregnancy, they couldn’t abort because for some reasons, Sonia didn’t find out on time. That was you, Lord, right? According to her, her periods came in regularly even at the 4th month, so she had no idea at all until it was too late. The dude got so mad and almost killed her with the pregnancy, so she ran for her life.
She carried her burden home, but her family was struggling to survive and moreover, when the dude came looking for her, her family sided him to force her to remove the pregnancy. He convinced them that she he will still marry her, but he didn’t want any catholic embarrassment and since he was their bread and butter, stepmama was enthusiastic to concur and her father reluctantly agreed. She was afraid she would lose her life if she tried abortion again on a 4-month foetus, so she went into hiding to save her life. She had no one to lean on so she did what any other average lady would do. Use what she had to get what she wants (the Aristo principle). If you know, you know.
She met friends who kept her until she could have the baby and then little by little, she joined their “Aristo” business. Until she matured into it and developed class. Got herself into school and trained the other members of the family.
But even then, she was wise and alert. She started her own business by the side even while in school and by the time she got born again, she left the Aristo clan and faced her legal business full time. It was difficult at 1st with all the responsibilities she carried but Lord, you helped her. Thank you.
Today, that beautiful girl she preserved the pregnancy is in medical school, a constant reminder of her bravery not her past. And she has moved on, established in life and in you, Lord and no one has a right to judge her on that life.
Now, Lord, I didn’t tell this story to mop up pity for her. She did stupid alright but it’s a stupid past. It’s over, she is here, she is alive, she has moved on. By the time I heard her story, it didn’t make any difference from the way I saw her because I was already in love with the who she had become, and her past was not my business. Now, what is this self-righteous tall and handsome’ s problem?
That she had affairs before him, right? Because he is a virgin, yes? That she had abortions. That she has a child. And so?
In fact, I was so upset with him that when he called while I was there, I confronted him…. You didn’t think I will do it, Lord, right? I know……but I did it and I will tell you about it. Yes, Lord, I like trouble especially when I feel that someone is unduly oppressed. If he doesn’t want her, he should scram. We don’t want a repeat of history.
We don’t want a “Reuben” that his father, Jacob said to him, “Unstable as water, thou shall not excel”. We don’t want any unstable man because even the good book would say “he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways”. Sonia is a good girl. Period. The rest is up to him.
This is Your daughter Lord, still upset with tall and handsome, but checking in.